Overcome hatred, anger & negative feelings

An angry man wanting to block out all sound holding his ears

There’s a lot of things going in the world going on right now which is quite frightening, consequently creating feelings of fear and hatred amongst us. These negative emotions can literally consume you, and significantly affect your happiness, and even your freedom. There’s a saying that “holding onto anger and hatred is like drinking poison and expecting them to die”. It’s a great analogy, because the hatred and anger that you feel doesn’t affect them, it only affects you. Whilst we know that this can be challenging, we hope this blog will help, as you shouldn’t be punished for someone else’s acts, and the pain and anger that you’re feeling, is just that.

Whether it’s the recent events of Russia in the Ukraine, or even someone that you know personally that’s hurt you, sometimes it’s really hard to shake those negative feelings of anger, loathing, disappointment, or even hurt. What that person or people did, can never be right – and should never be considered acceptable either – however, these negative feelings and emotions hurt only you, so we’d like you to consider a couple things that should only help.

Beat Those Negative Vibes

Firstly, consider that it isn’t, or wasn’t, personal to you. What we mean by that is; cruel people are exactly that – they’re cruel, that’s what they do, that’s what they have learned and that’s what they’re like to everyone. Whether that’s behind closed doors, or to people that you don’t even know about. Most importantly, you are not to blame. And even though it might feel personal to you right now, please trust the fact that it’s not.

Another thing to realise is that people are actually a product of their environment. Weaker people can be led, brainwashed, low self-esteem, they hate themselves; they’ll do things to give them a sense of power. Great examples – tyrants, terrorists, or bullies, they’re all weak cowards. They weren’t born that way, they became that way due to their own personal self-loathing, which was probably brought on as a result of bad parenting, potentially being bullied themselves, or not being shown any love at a formative period of their life.

Ultimately, they actually feel really worthless. Therefore, take comfort in knowing that it’s highly probably that people that inflict pain on others, have carried pain most of their life due to their own personal life experiences.

If you feel pain in your heart, please consider pity instead. It’s a far less destructive emotion to have. Pity those who have been unkind to you or others, hurt you, or even bullied you – as they have probably experienced this at some point in their life themselves. Pity them for being weak. Consider pitying them for not having the love and respect that you’ve had, for allowing themselves to be brainwashed, pitying them for not having had the freedom that you’ve had – for being loved and respected. Even pity them for not being able to experience the wonderful things in life that you’ve had; love, laughter and mostly importantly, freedom.

Cruel, unkind people don’t have freedom, they’re chained to their hatred and are fundamentally trapped – it consumes them. Our last tip is to feel gratitude. Don’t just for everyone and everything in your life, but be grateful you have freedom, happiness, free will, and most of all, that you have a clear conscience. That clear conscience allows you to walk with your head held high.

Head to our TikTok channel, Nik recently posted a great analogy for overcoming feeling of anger using water bottles, please see HERE 🙂 To receive face-to-face help and support to overcome feelings of hatred, we’d love to host you at one of our WORKSHOPS.

Nik & Eva Speakman

We have studied and worked together since 1992. Between us we have studied human behaviour and psychology for seven decades. We both share an uncontainable passion to offer hope and to help people lead happier and less inhibited lives.

After many remarkable breakthroughs we created our own behavioural change therapy, ‘Schema Conditioning.’® Subsequent work with trauma victims and their related symptoms, led to the creation of two further trauma-based therapies.

‘Schema Conditioning Psychotherapy.’®

‘Visual Schema Displacement Therapy (VSDT)’®

‘Visual Schema Detachment & Restructuring (VSDR)’®

Qualifications from the creation of our therapies, resulted in training psychology professors, doctors and masters students at Universities in Amsterdam and Utrecht. In 2015, this training produced the two sets of scientific studies conducted into the workings of our therapy; the first two study papers highlighting the remarkable efficacy, was published in the Journal of Behaviour Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry in June 2019. A further third study was then published in the European Journal of Psychotraumatology in April 2021, with a fourth clinical study with hospital patients is currently underway and will be completed by the end of 2022.

In addition to members of the public, we work with, and have treated many high-profile clients and ‘A’ list clients around the world, having had prodigious successes. We are resident therapists on ITV’s multi award-winning ‘This Morning’ and have been for over a decade, we have also had own television shows, one of which, ‘The Speakmans’, also aired on ITV and several countries worldwide. Over the last two decades we have appeared on numerous other television shows as experts, such as the multi award-winning Saturday Night Takeaway.

Our mission is to illuminate that there is ALWAYS HOPE and that overcoming trauma and improving quality of life is entirely possible. Many people have either never been given hope, or worse had hope taken away from them, our aim is to correct that by sharing our message in any way we possibly can, including live workshops, theatre tours, books, podcasts, radio, television, social media and YouTube.

At the heart of all we do, is our relentless mission to offer HOPE to as many people as we possibly can.

https://nikandeva.com
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